Weird Stuff On Etsy

Woah, sorry, it's been a minnit.

Etsy is a super-rocking Internet marketplace for handcrafted and vintage items. It acts as a connection between buyers and individual sellers.

While Etsy is a great place to find adorable home decor and vintage items (ankle boots, yes.), it also plays host to some crazy stuff. Here's a small sampling of weird things I saw on Etsy today.

This magnet. Funny, no?

GOOMBA EARRINGS.

A wolf hair amulet. Necessary.

Oscar Wilde Prayer Candles, just in time for Lent!

A bobcat skull! YES.

If you prefer embalmed octopi in jars, you can find that, too.

Robert Pattinson's Jawline

The thing could slice through sheets of steel. I'm sure of it.

Here it is looking sullen.

Here it is hanging out with Todd Olson.

And..what? You can't actually see it in this photograph? Oh. Sorry...

Henry Miller - Tropic of Cancer

Warning:
This post contains a photograph of female sudoriferous glands.
Avert your eyes lest the boobs cause impure thoughts!

Dear Henry Miller,
You are a raunchy old man and I love you for that.
XOXO,
Danielle
PS - Call me


I really don't know how to give this book the due it deserves.
To give you a sense of my appreciation for it: Quotes from Tropic of Cancer take up four pages of my book quote notebook. Quote-book?

In short, Tropic of Cancer is a novel about finding a way for life and decadence to thrive in the most dire of situations. Miller exposes the savage nature of mankind through a series of semi-autobiographical accounts of people (namely "working ladies") he encounters while living in a grim and filthy 1930s France. Sex and squalor, basically.

Some have called Miller a misogynistic bastard for depicting women as sexual objects and many have argued for the ban of the book because of its X(XX)-rated accounts of certain rendezvous. Those people should really stick to reading Twilight.
And now for quotes although I highly, highly recommend you read this novel novel.

"Passed me men and women ignited with sulfur, porters in calcium livery opening the jaws of hell, fame walking on crutches, dwindled by the sky-scrapers, chewed to a frazzle by the spiked mouth of the machines."

"We have no need for genius - genius is dead. We have need for strong hands, for spirits who are willing to give up the ghost and put on flesh."

"Do anything, but let it produce joy. Do anything, but let it yield ecstasy."

And, how could I forget:
"A laboratory cunt and no litmus paper that could take her color."

Burt's Bees

While on my plane ride back from the depths of time, I forgot to put my lip balm in my carry-on bag. That journey = longest plane ride of my entire life.
Anyone who uses lip balm religiously knows that your lips get the driest when you know you don't have any accessible stick of chap. Your lack of soothing wax taunts you, torments you until you become desperate enough to ask a companion for a swipe of their choice brand.
(I never, ever do this. I would rather feel like my lips have been scorched by desert's sandy winds and the sun's persistent rays than use another person's chapstick.)
I've experienced the Bonnebell plethora of flavors, the Chapstick chapstick, and generic balms, but none have compared to the minty simplicity that is Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm.
All natural, no animal testing, and, according to my tube, 30% post-industrial content.
Good for my lips, good for the Earth.